purple fish guts

Monday, January 31, 2005

Colgate update

My child has now decided that she does not like her toothpaste. Granted.... she is a 5 year old female.... so the word fickle definitely comes into play.

But, I believe there is something deeper that is hindering my child's full and unconditional acceptance of Watermelon Colgate for Kids. As I discussed a few days ago, Colgate for Kids would appear to be THE toothpaste against which all others are to be measured. It is also the one she selected, knowing full well that it and she would be spending several months working together in close quarters. And I must say, she was meticulous in her search. The celebrity dating/marriage ritual has far less rigorous standards. And in the end, this was the chosen one. This was her toothpaste.

But, not unlike many celebrity marriages, she anxiously escorted her prized possession home and gleefully popped open the bright green flip-top lid to find..... blue toothpaste. Yes.... ordinary blue toothpaste. Sure, it smells watermelony. And it has a strange watermelon-like taste. But does it look watermelony? No. It's not pink... or red.... or even green. It's blue. How can watermelon toothpaste be blue? It's just not natural. And kids know it.

Now being the dad, I've seen a variety of kid toothpastes.... Hello Kitty, Barbie, Princess, Dora, Blues Clues. And I know that it is within the abilities of toothpaste manufacturers to come up with just about any conceivable color. I mean... the Hello Kitty one was pink... with sparkles. Colgate could have certainly come up with something other than blue for watermelon. Blues Clues... blue. Watermelon.... red. It's natural. And kids know it.

And so, being a conscientious consumer and a long-time Perry Mason fan. I must follow Lileks lead and say to Colgate:

    The inventors and marketers deserve the chastening, enthusiasm-deflating Perry Head.