purple fish guts

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Tropical Escape Dial....

.... don't fail me now.

-Ten AM Thursday morning-

[me] Girls, I'm going to go take a shower. You two be sweet and play nice.

[kid Z] Okay.

[kid A] ...........

[me] Girls, I'm going to go take a shower. You two be sweet and play nice.

[kid Z] Okay.

[kid A] ....... 'kay.

-A few minutes later-

[Z] Daddy. A scratch-ed my face.

[me] Why did she do that?

[Z] Because I accidentally pok-ed her in the eye.

[me] You accidentally poked her in the eye? How did you do that?

[Z] Well... I was going along like this....

(Insert mental picture of 5 year old girl taking small jerky steps with her right arm and index finger fully extended. Yes... it does resemble a Michael Jackson video.)

[Z] ..... and then I went like this.

(Same girl making repeated jabbing/stabbing gestures.)

[me] Oh. (chuckle)

-A few minutes later-

[Z] *sob* Daddy *sob* A *sob* *sob* scratch *sob* and *sob*.........

[me] What? I can't hear you. (mid-shampoo ya know)

[Z] *sob* Daddy. *sob* A scratch-ed me and pinch-ed me and pull-ed my hair. *sob* All at the same time. And it really hurt-ed. Really, really bad. *silence*

[me] Wow! She must be talented. I didn't know you could do all those things at once.

[Z] *sob* *laugh* *sob*

Enter Tropical Escape Dial and its "Fresh, aromatic scent of a tropical paradise".... according to Dial. It's an okay scent. Certainly not manly... but not french either. And definitely not worthy of the devotion Lileks bestows upon his cherished Eucalyptus Spearmint Body Wash. I'd probably describe it more along the lines of.... the smell of the dirty underbelly of a tropical paradise.... but then that's just me.

But.... on to the real question at hand.

Did the Tropical Escape Dial transform my shower experience and leave me with the sensation of being whisked away to a tropical paradise?

Ummmm.... perhaps a tropical paradise experiencing a violent military coup.