purple fish guts

Friday, April 08, 2005


Kris... get your varmint gun... I'll start making the signs.

... Errr... umm... I mean...

Guess what everyone..... we have kittens.

I'll start from the beginning. A couple weeks ago we came to realize that a cat was living underneath our mobile home. That kinda bugged us. Not so much that it was living there, but it was making all sorts of strange noises and tearing stuff up.

At first I just tried to lure the cat out and then block off all entrances thinking it would leave us alone. Wrong. It was a very persistent cat. I'd block off an entrance and it would either find another way in or bust a new hole in the vinyl skirting.

Next, I borrowed a live trap from the police department. I set it under the house and tried to lure the cat in with some nice smelly tuna. It wouldn't fall for it. The cat was too smart.

I decided to change the bait. The tuna obviously wasn't working and after a couple days under the house it wasn't looking particularly appetizing either. I went to my local Petsmart store to see if they had any suggestions. They looked at me kinda funny when I mentioned the trap and suggested I just try some plain old cat food. Hmmm... okay. I got some stinky seafood flavored stuff with this weird sauce and changed the bait. Then I waited until the cat left the house and I moved the trap so that it was right inside the cat's favorite entrance... thinking it would just come running along sometime and... snap.

Well... it appears that the cat hadn't actually left the house. So now it was trapped. It bounced around under the house all night, beating on the skirting trying to find a way out. Heh, heh, heh... so now it wants out, does it?

The next day I decided to move the trap so it was outside the cat's favorite exit.... thinking it would get desperate and try to run the gauntlet. Kid A and I went to move the trap and we were quite surprised to find a cat already in the trap. A bonus cat.... if you will. We could still hear the other cat under the house so we covered up the opening and quickly took our catch to the A.R.L. When we go back we set the trap up again. Outside this time.

Later that evening we heard the trap snap. We quickly went to see. No cat... but we could still hear it under the house. We set it again. About an hour later it snapped again. Haha.

This was not a nice cat. It growled and hissed a lot and kept sticking its paws out of the cage and taking swipes at us. I put some gloves on and stuck the trap in the garage. The next morning the girls were excited to see the cat and get to hear what a real cat-hiss sounds like. We took it to the A.R.L. and took the trap back to the police station.

Mission accomplished.... it would seem.

So.... this morning I'm walking down the hall talking to my wife on the phone, and as I step into our room a cat looks up at me from inside the air vent on the floor and hisses. I about peed my pants. NO WAY.... it's a gray tiger cat.... under my house.... hissing at me. I already passed this level. Oh wait... it's a mini tiger cat... and I think I hear more. Argh... the cat had kittens and they are living inside my return air duct. How many? How'd they get there? How do I get them out?

This evening some friends came over and we took a good look under the house. I won't bore you with all the details... but it appears that we have 3 or 4 kittens living in the space between our floor and the insulation below it.... and no.... there really isn't any way to get to them.

So the new approach is.... We -ahem- like kittens..... and we are so happy that you sweet furry little kitties, have chosen us as your family. Now... wouldn't you like to come out of that return air duct and have some nice warm milk. --evil grin--

And... to add an ironic twist. I went to an allergist today because I've been getting hives and they drew my blood to see if I'm allergic to cats. Heh.... wouldn't that be classic.