purple fish guts

Friday, February 18, 2005

I bought a Mac

Heh, I can hear the Mac crowd now.
Rejoice! you tortured and wandering soul, for you have been found. Now, cast aside the false treasures of your sinful PC lifestyle. Cast them aside and join us. Yes, join us and take up your rightful place amidst the chosen few. Behold, the mighty translucent aura of the Apple. Yea! Salvation has come today!

Well... it's a Macintosh Performa 575 and I paid 8 bucks for it at Goodwill. It boots up and shuts down fine, but I don't have an Apple mouse.... so I really can't do anything else. Apparently the mid-90's Apple folks considered the Mac/mouse relationship to be a sacred bond which should never be broken.

I must say, it's been a hit with the girls. The moniter is the computer..... Ooooooh. A button on the keyboard makes it magically comes to life..... Aaaaaaah. And the screensaver has lots of fish and bubbles..... Ooooooh, aaaaah.

Now.... about the bubbles. They sound like farts. What's up with that? Why would I want to listen to my computer fart? And why are the farts immune to the volume buttons? Hmmmm... where did I put that Perry head.

It seems, to me at least, to be a border-line established fact that fart-like sounds are not really what the average person wants to listen to on a regular basis. This story about Flatulent Footwear seems to back me up on that one. Of course there are always exceptions. I can't actually think of any right now. Oh wait... maybe like when your ex-wife invites you to her wedding rehearsal dinner? Hmmm... not so sure about that one, but I'm sure occasions do exist where the occasional fart sound is the perfect mood-setter. In these situations, though, there is no need to turn to technology. Everything you need is on the value menu at your local Taco Bell, and you get a cheap meal out of the deal too.

So right now it's sitting on the living room floor farting occasionally as it mourns the loss of its soul-mate mouse. I don't know what to do with it. Counseling? A fresh Linux install should take care of its mouse-longing issues.... but the Linux success rate on these old Macs isn't terribly encouraging.

Maybe I'll just plug it in and tell the kids we got some new pet fish. We could name them Dorothy and Nemo and Bubbles and Li'l Farty. And we could feed them every day... two times a day... morning and night. We could love them and sing to them and take turns feeding them by stuffing tiny little bits of bread and leftover goldfish food into the floppy drive.

Or maybe I'll do the unthinkable and gut it of its inner Apple-ness and fill its empty carcass with PC stuff. Buaahhaaahahaaaa!